Today is the last day of 2010. Tomorrow is the start of a new year, therefore I believe it is time to try something new. However before I start this maybe I should write about myself. The life I lead most of the time is a lie, although I am able to be happy around people, alot of the time the things deeper inside of me are kept hidden. This is a problem that I am able to acknowledge but am still unable to change easily. Throughout my life I wasn't always the most popular of people, although I had friends within school, that is where they remained, outside of school I was isolated from my peers, both male and female, especially female (I had a period of about 5 years where I had little or no contact with girls) This often lead to depression.... one case which was severe, however I was able to pick myself up after failing to reach the end. Although now I am glad to say I am genreally a well liked, and generally known by most my peers within school, I also have a great group of friends, which now includes girls as well, for this I have one person to thank in particular, it started when she made a comment linking me to a character in a childs show, this link was made due to the colour of my hair, to start with I was cautious, a life time of torment meant I couldnt trust people easily as I did not know whether or not they would build up somewhat of a level of trust before destroying it, however later in time, this one word she used created a friendship between us, one I am truely thankful for as I would now say she is perhaps my closest female friend (if she does read this, I thank you for so much). Her friendship led to many others as I begun to gain some confidence around girls and therefore I started to create more bonds with people. This has now reached a point where I feel accepted within this small but great group of people.
Not only have I had the oppurtunity to create new friendships recently, I have also had the chance to strengthen older ones that I never really truely appreciated until recently. One of which stands out in particular, although I have known this person and got on with them for the past 5 or 6 years, our friendship has flourished in the past few months. Me and him are both very similar in character which is possibly why I felt the need to help him when I first was told about his problem, he told me of a girl whom he had feelings for, however he was too scared to tell her his true feelings, as she had feelings for another one of his close friends. When he told me of this dilema, I was puzzled, have no experience in relationships so I felt useless, however I talked to him about his problem. After many late night talks with him (not all about the situation) I sat down and thought about his situation, personally I disagreed with his beliefs but understood why he did what he did. A couple of night ago he began to talk to me about his feelings about this girl, who had recently had a disagreement with this boy who she previously had feelings for. My friend told me how he was feeling and soon after his tone changed, something had happened which looked like it tipped him over the edge. After thinking about it, I decided to tell him what I thought he should do, I helped to convince him that he should do what he wants, rather than looking after his friends before himself. He agreed to do so, this ended this situation, however through this whole process we bonded as friends, he is what I now consider to be one of my closest friends and I wish him all the best for what his next step will be (I know he will probably read this, so good luck)
The reason I have decided to start up this blog is down to a mixture of things, two of my friends as well as my own character and personality. One major flaw within myself is the way I put others before myself...... although this is selfless it also has the negatives..... my emotions are often left buried and often they will not escape. A postive aspect for this is that I believe I am a good, loyal friend, I am willing to do anything to help my friends no matter the consequences for me, this has come into play recently as I was willing to help a friend, however it may have potentially backfired..... however this is another days blogging as I do not know the results of this event yet. Like i said earlier though, my williness to put my friends above myself also means that alot of my true feeling are kept hidden in order for me to help my friends with their own problems. I hope that by setting up a blog I may be able to release some of these feelings and emotions if needed.
Hopefully this will work, but for now it is nearly 5.00AM and I need some sleep, so for now, peace.