Sunday, 2 January 2011

All These Things I Hate

The title of this blog, is actually the name of the song I'm listening to, though it also has some relevance right now, so why not use it?

Parents seem to seem to think that they know best mainly due to 'experience', however what about if the child has more experience than the parent, I say this because right now, my family life is at a horrible place right now, it seems like my mum and I are completely opposite and this is causing near enough constant arguements. I respect my mum, no  matter what she says, she is a single mother of two, working a full time job as well as trying to look after my recently widowed grandmother..... this leads to stress, which I fully understand, i'm not heartless and I understand its a horrible situation.

What gets me is when apparently I dont know what stress and depression are like, just because she is older apparently I dont get depressed and stressed, no that is wrong, I have experienced stress, as well as depression, I imagine that I have had been in a worse situation than her, I know how horrible it was and when I was experiencing it I had nobody to talk to, I dont wish this on anyone else which is why I am always willing to talk to someone if they feel down, I dont want people getting to that stage, most people are willing to talk, but my mum is stubborn, I try to talk to her but to no avail, she seems to think I dont know what it is like when actually I do. All that happens instead is that we argue and I get close to saying things I know I would regrett because they would be said in spite.

Normally if I get to this stage I would just go for a long walk, but at the moment I am unable to do so, instead i'm here deafening myself with music which doesnt really help my mood, but it saves me shouting if I just listen to a Welshman doing it instead straight into my ears as loud as I can get it. Once I am able to walk however I can imagine myself walking out alot, into the darkness, where I would go I dont know, but right now I could just do with walking in the darkness for a few hours to clear my mind, but those walks will have to wait.

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