Saturday, 22 January 2011


Recently I have been doing some thinking about something that I know has been getting to me, even though I know it shouldnt. I am nearly 18 now, and sure i'm looking forward to it, and my party, just being able to chill with my friends and do some drinking..... legally. But i have also been thinking that I am nearly 18, yet I have had nothing remotely close to a relationship and to be honest it kind of sucks knowing it. One solution that was offered to me in order to fix the problems are to 'take a hammer' to them, in all honesty that wouldnt work with this because the problem is me.

My first issue was my lack of self confidence, the result of having a long period of time without any communication with girls, I have addressed this and my confidence is increasing around girls, at this time I would say that some of my closest friends are girls now, however I still lack any confidence in terms of relationships. People have said to me that relationships aren't all that and all that happens is that they end in hurt when they go wrong, but to be honest I wouldn't mind facing the hurt if a relationship does go wrong, because then at least I can say that I have tried, even if it is horrible at least then I made a move, and if anything it would provide experience so then at least I am prepared for it if it happened another time.

Because of my lack of confidence with this, I am not doing myself any favours and I will admit this, I keep thinking about, because my lack of confidence, will it stop me from admitting my actual feelings, for all I know, there could be a point when I may like someone yet I will not make a move because I wont admit to myself I like them, this is one problem with my confidence issues. The other problem is the on the opposite end of the spectrum, if by some miracle someone does like me at some point, chances are I wouldn't even realise, meaning i wont make a chance, once again this is another problem with the mind set that I am 'lucky' enough to have.

The people have told me to wait rather than to go out your way, and I can see why, its to prevent the pain/hurt caused by the failure of a relationship. But how long will I have to wait before anything, or will I be able to change the way I think when it comes down to relationships? I will wait, I will follow the advice but to be honest it is horrible thinking this way, it would be nice to at least experience a possible relationship before I start university, however I dont expect anything to happen, I think I have to change before anything, whether I will or not i don't know...

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